Talking to my mom just now, she was asking whether I noticed my moods varying with time of day. Not really. Suggested she go through this, rate posts by mood & graph against the time stamps. She thinks maybe I'm in a better mood when I've eaten, I think that's partially true, though I think it's a complex thing, also involving how tired I am, what I've been thinking about, what I've been observing.

Being a highly capable person has a lot of downsides, capability tends to get devalued socially as everyone, just to get through the day, needs to think of themselves as basically capable and adequate. Mostly people aren't that capable; no one is adequate.

Out in the dark fog with P, thinking thoughts exceeding grim, not in any sort of bad mood at all, rested, just had some tasty pasta. But, as I say, exceeding grim. Meditating on the surgeon's scalpel, the butcher's knife. A world of unbearable things, just keep pressing forward, killer robot.

I think trying to maintain an alertness to genuine beauty requires a constant effort to see things as they are. How things are is pretty bleak, I find.

Maybe it's just me.