Rather than tidying, reading "The Hypostasis of the Archons":

'And the great angel Eleleth, understanding, spoke to me: "Within limitless realms dwells incorruptibility. Sophia, who is called Pistis, wanted to create something, alone without her consort; and her product was a celestial thing. A veil exists between the world above and the realms that are below; and shadow came into being beneath the veil; and that shadow became matter; and that shadow was projected apart. And what she had created became a product in the matter, like an aborted fetus. And it assumed a plastic form molded out of shadow, and became an arrogant beast resembling a lion. It was androgynous, as I have already said, because it was from matter that it derived.'

Don't know what's with me & theogonies lately.

Long walk helped clear my head.

Thinking again about situations where people have used me as their primary source of emotional stability, not a very desirable situation to be in, but one I've allowed myself to be in when it seemed necessary, mostly that's been when it seemed like they would hurt themselves otherwise. Anyway, it's always undesirable, even as a stopgap, because when one wants people to be OK, what one really wants is for them to be OK regardless of whether you're around or not; because people come to resent feeling dependent on others; because you are stuck in a false position of being willing & happy to do things that you know aren't a good idea in the long term and that willingness & happiness can make it seem to the other person that this is how you want things to stay. It's quite nightmarish really, no matter how reliable one might be, one can't always be available, sometimes there are other things that really need to be attended to, sometimes the stress of being needed so badly makes you fall apart a bit yourself. Anyway, when it's seemed necessary, that's what I've done, it's a hard thing to feel alright about, but I try.

Shaking like a leaf.