Too tired & sore to fetch myself pop & burgers, just made a simple cheese sauce & put in on some egg noodles I had a partial bag of, think I used the rest in some chicken soup ages ago. Pretty tasty. Also having a vodka & tonic. Always surprised by ability to look after myself, not sure why.

Also fielded support call from work, nothing serious, that'll come later.

Just back from limping around in the damp, foggy twilight with P, have a very sore left ankle, elevating it.

Snacking on snacks. Thanks for the cookies, sweetie.

Car's all fixed, I guess. We'll see.

Wishing I had one or more burgers. Maybe some pop.

Car's off for some TLC, bit of a money sink lately, that car. Fond of it regardless.

Coffee's not seeping into the higher centers as quickly as I'd like, lucky I don't work with sensitive equipment or anything like that.

Looking forward to having money again someday. That should be a gas.

Awaiting tow truck, drinking coffee, going through work email, etc.

Ah, truck is on the way.

Just found a drowned mouse in P's water dish. Poor little mouse.

So, on the down side, my car's muffler has fallen halfway off. Will have it towed to mechanic in the morning for repair, I guess.

On the up side, made delicious spicy fried rice with kale & c., watched Sahara projected on the wall of my apartment & generally had a lovely evening with my sweetie.

So, really, muffler's no big deal.

Ongoing achey sleepiness that I'd be inclined to attribute to dehydration had I not been throwing back the water like a monkey in the springtime, hoping it's not the nose end of a cold.

Nose itches.

Just tripped over a wire & broke my favorite coffee mug.

Strange UMass marching band event just took place across the street, took pictures, shot video, will probably put the video up later.

Going to go pick up some prints shortly. Was going to make fried rice for dinner, now inclining toward going out somewhere instead. Lazy, lazy.

There was no one at station to let me in, so that particular task has been deferred yet again. Went & did a little grocery shopping instead.

Got home, folded laundry, should really shower, etc.

Wish I could nap.

Time-sensitive compensated work done, going to toss my laundry in the drier, then go do some uncompensated work.

Trying to get back to being relatively disciplined, always a challenge, much more so when I'd really rather be lolling about in bed with somebody. Anyway, trying to get back to being relatively disciplined.

Coffee helps.

Trying to sort out upcoming paid work, art projects, personal work, volunteer work, etc. in my head for the coming months, there's quite a bit of it. Taxes & car reinspection need to get done quickish, other things not so much, at least considered individually. Given the mass of them, though, I should really start getting some out of the way this week.

Seem to be spending most of this weekend sleeping.

Did manage a walk up Poet's Seat. After that, got makings of dinner, we made & ate that, since then, for me anyway, it's been mostly sleep.

Off to work.

Slept in for once. Then back to Buffy marathon.

Got hungry & made myself some chapatis with spicy mango chutney, proved to be too much for the young innocent, made her a toasted buttered potato roll. To each his or her own.

Peretz is resting on blanket, once this episode is done, we're all off to climb Poet's Seat with Pickles. Sunny, cool day, should be a blast.

Got out of work early, had another cup of coffee, took a long walk with Peretz through the wet, cold world, then headed up to Greenfield for afternoon cuddling with woman & dog. After that, drove up to Putney so sweet young thing could indulge in her secret vice, silent Bikram.

She's doing that now. I've been walking around the damp, snowy landscape, taking snapshots. Spent a while combing through bookstore that's dying tomorrow, all used books 75% off. For $3.30, I got The Paradoxes of Mr. Pond, Dead Babies, To Sir, With Love, Crime of Passion & Chairman Mao Talks to the People.

The Chairman says: "When people die there should be parties to celebrate the victory of dialectics."

Hear, hear.

Breakfasting on coffee & muffins, patting myself on the back for having had the good sense to purchase extra muffins.

Aftermath of ripping down symbolic networks is a bit of a colorless world, can always build new ones, it's my business.

Information professional, runs on coffee & muffins.

Peretz wants muffin.

Peretz wants out into the wet world.

Mind running down well-worn, boring tracks.

A little more work, then fun. Work, fun, work, fun.

Collapsed in a heap, had some snacks.

All sorts of sad things on my mind, not particularly sad, though.

Dog wants out, I want to stay collapsed in heap. Imagine we'll work something out.

Feeling a bit flattened, creatively, anyway. Drag.

Morning sluggishness continues, hope nobody tosses salt on me.

Peretz is grooming himself contentedly.

Nice to have coffee on hand again.

Fell asleep early, was hoping to sleep for a long time, popped awake at 6 instead with stomach cramps.

Pretty soon, I felt better & started enjoying the long morning prior to work, took a good long walk with Peretz, observed the plants sprouting & debris accumulated over the winter now revealed by snow melt, got my shoes a little muddy. Peretz play briefly with a cone-headed golden retriever recovering from surgery.

Finally got around to buying some coffee.

Looking forward to Neil's thing in Turner's tonight.

Uncannily sleepy.

As L. had gone for dinner with long lost friend, went for tasty Mexican with colleague from out of town, burrito, plantains, would usually perk me right up, made me sleepier.

Peretz found a sesame bagel in a bush. Nice little Jewish dog.

In a pile in pajamas, wishing TV were more entertaining.

Trying to come to terms with being thought of as 'literal', generally think of myself as being fanciful & figurative to the point that it resembles severe mental illness. Maybe I've taken the pedestrian style of this thing too far?

Could use a soda.

Forgot to mention that last night's headache brought on some interesting (to me, anyway) semiecstatic philosophizing, all hail the metonym!

Last night was really, really lovely-low key, romantic dinner, met some interesting folks, learned of potential venue for thing I want to do in June, etc. Then the headache I'd had since the afternoon turned it to something far worse, which, if I was experiencing the usual aftereffects today, I'd file under migraine. As it is, I feel just fine, so I guess it was just 'severe tension headache accompanied by nausea & light sensitivity.'

Work is being crazy.

Digging out from mess at work caused by my absence, feeling exceedingly grim, stomach clenched, mind wandering into unpleasant corners, being trapped & tortured by the insane & the simple minded.

Should probably eat something, maybe some chips.

Been catching up on labeling photos.

Falling asleep last night, grim blackness settling about my mind, happens a lot when very tired.

Peretz is sleeping on blankets, I should shower.

Home again, visited Yates on the way, no boys as they were home with mom tired from previous day's commune adventure, also went & checked out Gettysburg, really overwhelming monumentality, left me thinking strange thoughts. On our arrival, sweet young thing tossed her stuff in her car & rushed home to Pickles, understandable, miss her already.

Still some snow piles here & there, makes it seem like the spring I watched unfold over the past week was the product of some sort of delusional state, like so much else in my life. Anyway, it was real enough, just elsewhere. Back in place.

Went & swapped tapes, uploading photos.

Vacation's wrapping up, sad to see it go. Just back from nice Japanese with my mom, going to see some music after I get my laundry folded & packed, I think.

Lovely moon tonight, driving to restaurant, we watched it rise through clouds, magical, orange.

Too distracted by vacation doings to wish you a happy equinox, happy belated equinox.

Still having mixed feelings about limited Internet time, having a lovely time regardless.

On to waffle brunch.

Peretz says hello.

Went & saw some of show, a little too mellow for sleepy we, home again, sleepy, sleepy.

Vacation's rushing by, that's because it's fun.

Lazy, rainy, slow, meandering day, mostly plans didn't pan out, had fun anyway, just ate a lot of meat. Peretz is excited.

Strange little freakouts over stuff I have no control over, only have a little control over those, better than none.

Resting & digesting.

Slow morning, singing the Monkees theme song soft & low.

Think we're going to hit some semilegal fried chicken & pie joint with Chris & Emily shortly, then visit Andrew Jackson's historic home, then grilling and chilling. The days are just packed.

Keep waking up needing to pee very, very badly, maybe I should drink less coffee?

Leisurely day of not doing much of anything = pretty beat. Nice Ethiopian, childhood friend hosted karaoke on for later, going to try to label some photos before that.

Not spending much time on computer, it's sort of interesting, don't know that I'd call it good.

Woke really needing to pee, let the dog out, went outside with him for a minute, cloudy, windy. My dad came down to say hello, asked him if it was going to rain, he said yes, went back & checked forecast, said cloudy, windy, all day. Warm though.

Getting to be quite a backlog of photos to title, should get to that.

Joking about eating entire jars of condiments.

Coffee, coffee.

Quite a busy day, all vacationy & pleasant, L. & I got nice new vacation shoes, visited the Parthenon, dined at lavish Persian buffet, spent a few pleasant hours with Chris & Emily, played with dogs, wore silly plastic party hats, etc., etc. Western Swing on tap for later. Still feeling very full from buffet, may have some soda & chips.

Peretz seems to be enjoying spa treatment.

In Nashville, got here around 9 last night, was woken very early by Peretz's urgent needs. He seems to have gone off somewhere with my father & the other dogs, had enough of me I imagine.

Stopped on the way down & checked out the Natural Bridge, impressed in spite of myself, really quite something.

On with the restful & pleasant.

Morning spent rushing about, trash out, dog walked, car cleaned, tapes swapped, loading in. Awaiting the arrival of copilot, then thunderbirds are go.

Thinking about the invasion of our minds by moneyed interests, most defenders fifth columnists. Hopeless, oh well.

Dog isn't sure he's coming along for the ride, pacing nervously.

See you on the flip side.

Work continues to frustrate & annoy, good I'm now on vacation, more or less.

Heading out to do festive shopping shortly, trying to clear my head of aggravation so I'll be better company.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Still working on it, obviously.

Strangeness and form.

Funny how people get in a corner and turn overly dramatic, why never overly cinematic, overly novelistic? Pretty sure I'd prefer either.

Felt very itchy, took drastic step of moisturizing.

Both my sweetie & I were stuck with late running work responsibilities, no time to get together, bummer, at least Peretz is happy.

Makes me think about spending last March in a disconsolate pile, how he loved it.

Giant rippled sheet of cloud, crisp air alive with the sound of birds.

Hum of giant a/c unit, back in service.

Stupidity at work causing unnecessary stress, considering walking out.

Last night, spaghetti & meatballs special at Joe's, cheesy garlic bread, appreciate the finer things. Sipping coke, watching my sweepea draw her drawings in her drawing book.

This morning, sleepy, itchy, done with work even though I'm going, just don't care about it lately.

A little more coffee & maybe I can feign interest sufficiently.

Was supposed to be spending today learning about new systems, folks who were going to tell me about them have yet to arrive, combing over the same old systems instead. "Have you heard of the kangaroo pounder?", etc., etc.

Trying to decide what I'd like for dinner, need to remember to get stamps.

The other day, was discussing my proclivity to photograph small objects lying on the ground & remarked upon the distinction between garbage proper and toys set aside by a child and forgotten. This was neglecting, of course, the category of natural objects. Tempting to abandon these distinctions entirely, see all that stuff as playthings of a forgetful child or debris of a single mindless force, depending on whether one inclines toward beauty or the sublime.

Released that mouse, hope she does OK out there.

In the shower, thinking about relationships based on mutual pity, which is to say, mutual contempt. Very stable, but stability's not everything.

Makes me a little sick thinking about it.

Should get on to thinking about something else.

Caught a mouse, now just need to wake up sufficiently to release him, poor fellow.

Yesterday's excessive sleepiness seems to have moved on, anyway.

Deciding the weather had turned warm enough to give the mice infesting my house a fair shot at surviving outside long enough to infest someone else's, I have set out the hav-a-heart traps again, lined with chunky peanut butter.

What heart?

Should really re-view Miller's Crossing, reread Red Harvest

Thinking about watching Sweet Smell of Success projected on the wall last night, quite a beautiful film, if still a conventional morality tale, at least structurally. At its core, I think, it would like to be darker than it is, lacks the courage of its own grotesqueries. Suppose someone had to be willing to pay for it, still flopped, oh well.

Was talking about how a character similar to Tony Curtis's would make a fine lead for a TV serial, spending each episode destroying someone's life for his own enrichment, back next week to do it all over again. Presents a lot of opportunities for developing a highly textured character. You want to do it? It could be called Bastard or something.

Just lunched on leftover stuffed squash, lovely to have leftovers, need to get back to that being a routine thing at some point, simplifies my life.

Planning stir fry for later, just realized I'm out of soy sauce, yikes.

Torn between wanting to be asleep and wanting to be out in the sunshine (that's you!). Am going to return to work shortly.

First, a walkabout with Peretz, hopefully won't fall asleep.

They didn't have the printer I wanted, on to shopping online.

On way back, got some supplies against imaginary future Indian dinner party.

Still sleepy.

This morning's cold air and crisp shadows proving insufficient to clear my head, still half dreaming.

Pure terror always dancing just out of my field of vision, eyes dart to the left and it's gone.

Thinking up bad comic strips.

Need to go buy printers for work.

Wishing I was still asleep. Had a dream about getting a cab ride from Vic Tayback, not why I wish I was still asleep, just sleepy.

Tired of position of responsibility.

Thinking about phonies.

Went & got multiple car issues addressed, apparently need to replace my battery as well, picked up used copy of Empirefor my sweetie, should really be returning to work, reheating stuffed squash instead. After that, dog walk.

Productive member of society.

Realizing more & more clearly that my life is simply too distracting to effectively play chess on Facebook.

Have a bit of a sore throat, should probably take to smoking less and sleeping more, sigh.

Really don't feel like being at work.

Peeking behind the veil, it's my thing, also appreciating its gossamer billows.

All about the veil, pretty much.

Contemplating various orders of signification, their strangeness, their vagueness, their slippage.

Quite seriously. Seems a bit of a put on, I imagine. It's not.

So much I do seems that way. Except in rare cases, attempts at humor, it's not.

Need to walk the dog & get on with evening plans. He's been run ragged the past couple days, doesn't seem to have much interest.

red tissue paper, originally uploaded by peretzpup.

Red tissue paper I've been documenting for several months has reemerged thanks to yesterday's rain. The insistent persistence of physical objects more a favor than an imposition. Thanks for that.

Just back from spending time outside in the sunshine.

L. took me on walk with dogs to show me where she fell down & I fell down, nothing broken. People in Greenfield need to learn to clear their walks.

Soon, both of us need to go do work, joy.

Somebody using photo of mine of Athol Health Department truck. Choice quote from article: 'Athol officials had complained that the ad mispronounced the town’s name by linking it to vulgarity. The correct pronunciation is “ATH-awl.”' Pure hilarity.

Turns out hippies only make donuts Saturdays, something to do with energy or vibrations apparently, was forced to make do with danish, hard knock life.

New DST & me, ok, ok. Could've done without the shortened weekend.

The little dear has gone to fetch some of the remarkable weekend-only cider donuts from the hippie mart down the way while coffee brews, sweet of her.

I've got cold fingers.

Rainy day for a trip to Boston, driving conditions somewhat frightening, got very wet walking around, still had a pretty good time, ate some donuts, oysters, etc. Tasha seems exactly the same, pretty much.

Drive back to Greenfield made worse by drunks on the road, Saturday night's alright.

Going to go lie down and relax.

Coffee, Donut Dip meltaway, dog chaos. Think this may be the best meltaway I've ever had.

Heading down to Medford to visit long lost pal Tasha in a bit, food, book shopping on agenda.

Dogs keep jumping on my toes with their sharp, sharp nails.

Just watched Head, before that, enjoyed extensive Italian specialties, before that, before that, what else?

What else, what else.

In a bit of a nascency, thinking I'll maybe start reading more again soon.

More again soon.

Letting words turn into nonsense, as if that were necessary, as if that were.

Spoon, swoon, moon, June.

DSL problem not limited to me, probably a screwy circuit at CO, will therefore probably be repaired quickly, hip hip.

Enjoying blueberry upside down cake, somebody up there likes me, apparently. Toast with garlic butter next.

Peretz wants toast with garlic butter.

Out seeing music last night was asked to come play music next month, trying to come up with ideas for something to do, anyway, fun, been wanting to do more of that.

Problems with dsl connection at home, haven't had time to call & bitch.

Sitting at work, struggling with ancient software, wishing I had something to eat.

Weekend plans are shaping up nicely anyhow.

Making dinner, cutting up vegetables providing pleasant mental clarity, hopefully it'll all taste good.

Taking a little break from that, resting while soup simmers, lying in a pile with Peretz.

And I at once bade another demon to be led unto me; and instantly there approached me the demon Asmodeus, bound, and I asked him: "Who art thou?" But he shot on me a glance of anger and rage, and said: "And who art thou?" And I said to him: "Thus punished as thou art, answerest thou me?" But he, with rage, said to me: "But how shall I answer thee, for thou art a son of man; whereas I was born an angel's seed by a daughter of man, so that no word of our heavenly kind addressed to the earth-born can be overweening. Wherefore also my star is bright in heaven, and men call it, some the Wain, and some the dragon's child. I keep near unto this star. So ask me not many things; for thy kingdom also after a little time is to be disrupted, and thy glory is but for a season. And short will be thy tyranny over us; and then we shall again have free range over mankind, so as that they shall revere us as if we were gods, not knowing, men that they are, the names of the angels set over us."

That's telling him, Asmodeus.

Thinking about Alan Hale misreciting 'Casabianca'.

"There came a burst of thunder sound–
The boy–oh! where was he?
Ask of the winds that far around
With fragments strewed the sea!–"

Thinking about the perils of editing a high school literary magazine:

".........a crash that killed this friend of mine............
.......only burning pieces were left behind........"

Ai ai ai.

Anyway, back up on deck, surveying the damage, some of those innocent bodies might make nice conceptual art.

Just monstrous.

Went & had nice Indian, watched Adam's Rib projected on wall, delicious food, lovely movie, feeling a bit sad.

Not enough time in the day, drag.

Was thinking about some interesting things earlier, seemed interesting anyway, meant to write them down, got distracted, sleepy now, can't remember them.

I'm sure they'll come around again, mostly I repeat myself, repeat & contradict myself.

Lather, rinse, etc.

Gray skies have returned.

Been taking pictures of debris.

At home briefly to get away from banging on walls.

Gray day turned remarkably, almost overwhelmingly, bright.

Feels more & more like spring.

Itching to get someplace new, if only for a few hours, and take some photographs.

Wishing I was already on vacation.

Wet world out there, need to get out & about in it.

Gray morning.

Trying to make my winding way back into formalism, complexity, layering; been a bit tired for all that.

Sleepy pedestrian.

Determined that I am in fact allergic to something being kicked up by construction work at work, aggravating, problematic.

Raining pretty hard, got quite wet walking the dog, then drove to Greenfield under suboptimal conditions.

Making matzoh ball soup.

Seems like spring has sprung, or just about. Felt downright balmy out with dog.

Working from home, sitting with sweet young thing & brother, they depart for airport soon, also testing whether office is negatively impacting my sinuses. Multitasking, multitasking.

Watching the sun filtered through grey cloud out my upstairs window, should come up here more often, nice up here.

We're drinking our morning coffee, P's downstairs with his morning six pack, poor guy, long flight with a broken rib. Not Peretz, he's sleeping.

Happy birthday, T., march forth, trumpets & such.

Hear a rustling out the window, think, "Itzpapalotl! Itzpapalotl!"

It's an onomatopoeia.

Not really, not always.

Filed claim on broken mirror, appraisal next, then the seven years of bad luck.

Woke early from strange vivid dreams in which everybody wanted to be my friend, lots of scheduling issues.

Back in the real world, nuts to the core, turtles all the way down, come on down to candyland.

Should do dishes, get ready for work, would rather be writing poems.

Long day.

Shortly after my previous post, sweet young thing & her progeny arrived, we went to Great Wall for dim sum, lovely as always, then headed out to drop the young sprout on a ferry back to his dad.

Little side trip on the way down to sample Butler's Colonial Donuts in Westport, turned out to be temporarily closed, but with a helpful sign directing us to their other branch down Rt. 6 a piece, in Rhode Island. En route there, passed the Nite Owl diner in Fall River, tiny, lovely, deco owl bedecked, to which I intend some day to return.

So, Rhode Island location, while not as photogenic, does provide a very high quality real cream long john. Donuts also pretty great, I'm told apple fritter was quite something, as well. Charming, slightly inefficient mother/daughter team at the helm.

Got to Woods Hole ahead of schedule, friend of the kid's from Falmouth came down with his mom to hang out at the dock, witnessed and even participated a bit in mom on mom chitchat.

Stopped at outlet mall on way home in search of pants, pants accomplished, was gifted with socks, wanted to look at cooking supply outlet, but, like so much else in Massachusetts, it closes at 6 on Sundays. Around this time, my dear companion began fielding calls from grown men behaving like infants, ick.

Stopped a few exits after that for dinner at The Alamo, if you can believe it, Mexican joint owned by the father of one of the kids on Malcolm in the Middle, so so food, happier with mine than she was with hers. They had the karaoke going, weird scene, oldsters, cowboy hats. Nice to see L. out of traction & back in action, she did "You're So Vain", some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend indeed.

More driving & home again, she's off to tend to needy menfolk, I walk through parking lot with Peretz, wise old owl hooting sadly, repetitively, insistently in the dark woods beyond. I hear you, brother, you & me both.

Oh, what the heck, why not read the whole thing & maybe take it to heart? You'd be doing yourself a favor. Clever man, that Bacon.

"Don't let me stop your great self-destruction, die if you want to, you misguided martyr! I wash my hands of your demolition, die if you want to you innocent puppet!"

"'What is truth?' said jesting Pilate, and would not stay for an answer."

Etc., etc. Rough business, being civilized among the barbarians.

Preparing myself for trip to Cape, hygienic regimen, next get dressed, walk dog, dim sum. Grim, cheerful, civilized.

Musing on self-destructive processes, understanding them doesn't make them stop.

Hoping to work in some special donuts on drive down.

Went & saw Persepolis, lovely animation, intelligent, even occasionally funny, still managed to find it a bit dull. All my fault, should work on being less tired, working on being less tired.

Can't type worth a damn lately, hit the key to left of the one I want much more often than I'd like, nobody's perfect.

Sipping ginger ale, resting.

Need for nap has won out over desire to photograph historical reenactment, which, in any case, may not even be occurring due to snow. Enjoying some reheated coffee & fancy cheese.

Peretz seems glad to be home, also napping.

In short, everybody but me is napping.

Just discovered that some thoughtful soul destroyed my car's driver side mirror in the night. Thanks, thoughtful soul!

We made donuts, they were quite lovely, didn't rise as thoroughly as one might hope due to cold.

Going to take the kid to fun activities with friends, then go photograph colonial reenactors.

Everything's blanketed in very fine snow.

Finished that jigsaw, roasted vegetables, made delicious little fried chicken sandwiches on potato rolls, repaired newspaper production equipment remotely, etc., etc. Busy bee.

Peretz & Pickles appear to be getting used to one another, should make everyone's life a good deal easier.

Happy March.