Thinking I should join the majority of the lunch-eating world & routinely have rice with/as lunch, makes me feel pleasant.

Actually making me pleasant is a whole other story, of course. Nasty, vicious brute with eight hands.

Pretty startlingly brisk out, enjoying it while it lasts.

Woke early, have mostly been lazily sipping coffee, pretty great.

Dog wants out.

Looking forward to show tonight.

Lovely evening.

Having some ginger ale, mind wandering dusty stacks, watching Ghosts of Mars.

File under ginger ale, ghosts, Mars, excessive use of the word 'lovely', etc.

Etc., etc.

Just made what will hopefully be a delightful stir fry with some delightful local asparagus. Will try some momentarily.

Work is feeling sillier by the day, making me feel stupid and tired.

Going to project Stagecoach onto the wall in a bit.

Made myself a frozen pizza for lunch, P. likes the crusts.

Hot lunch makes a nice change.

Still raining pretty hard.

Cold & rainy, last night fell asleep under inadequate blanket. Sigh.

Thinking about video I watched the other day in which a gallery owner was talking about the vocabulary of contemporary art, wondering why she said 'vocabulary' rather than 'conventions', pretty sure it would be more accurate. Generally, though, people's sense that art is a monolithic entity with either a vocabulary or conventions, a language or a society- well, it's just so misguided it makes me want to scream. Not even languages or societies are actually like that, much less art. Structuralism dies hard, I suppose.

What I mean to say is, none of these things actually exist, not as things, anyway. People imagine they understand their world, it's not theirs & they don't.

The contemporary 'period' is more complicated than 99% of human history put together, most people aren't fools enough to imagine they understand all that, but treat the present as pure intelligibility more often than not. The effect of focusing their attention on semi-isolated local zones, I imagine, neglecting all the drift, fuzziness, seepage around the edges, only notice the incursions with the broadest brush, say the effect of the 'economy' on 'art'. People's fields a lot like the field of vision in this regard.

Strange, alien world.

Should shower & get ready for work.

Went to Brattleboro, got tempura donburi, sushi, watched the rainy street through the window.

Have a bit of a chill.

Funny bouts of irrational sadness, always accompanied by cool but jovial rationality which makes light of them. They even sort of appreciate it.

Might have some dessert.

The wet air smells clean & alive.

Going to go get sushi.

Lunching on chapatis with strawberry jam & coffee, thinking about the contrasting emotional colors of being burned by crazy as opposed to non-crazy people, very different experiences, hard to know who to feel sorrier for. The non-crazy ones certainly seem more hopeless.

After eating & walking the dog, heading to Amherst to install some obsolete software.

Forget how much I enjoy strawberry jam.

Rainy morning, would very much enjoy more lazing about the house, getting ready for work instead.

Pretty lovely long weekend, last night, watched Follow the Fleet, fancy stepping, doubly fictional suicide prevention, what's not to love? Well, the whole Randolph Scott subplot maybe.

Keep scraping my hands messing about with walls, will be ready to paint soon.

Went & did some work, applied flea & tick preventative to P., made some quiche.

Just back to Greenfield. Been eating quiche, tasty.

Started feeling a bit poorly last night, might've been the too much sun, might've been cold onset, fell asleep among dogs, woken by dog conflict, feeling a lot better.

Going to run down to Northampton for work & packing & maybe some errands. Nothing like a new routine.

Just heard that we missed out on Chowderfest, sad.

On the other hand, bought underwear, did some spackling.

Enjoying a half lemon/half grapefruit soda.

Been catching up on labeling photos.

We decided we'd had enough of Cape for the moment & came home last night. It was, nonetheless, extremely lovely. Waded out to a sandbar in icy water, ate oysters, L. kayaked around the cove, etc. Got a bit too much sun, got home & passed out.

Woken at sunrise by dog fracas, strange foreign cat (from Thailand, apparently) had entered house & helped itself to indigenous cat's food. Chaos, hilarity ensued, cat removed from home without major injury, slept more.

Drinking coffee.

On the Cape, looking out over an attractive cove in which swans are breeding. Awaiting pancakes. Was going to be waffles, iron had problems.

Peretz wants to go clamming, L. is reading her Lincoln, pancakes have arrived, huzzah!

So often it seems that its when I'm at my most sensible that people are least likely to listen to me.

Moon, June, swoon, spoon, Rocky Raccoon.

Catch more bees with poems, I guess, really better at the cold reason. Doesn't sell.

Quite a day, hoped early start would equal early end to work, plenty of time to visit with loved ones, didn't work out like that.

Left work after a busy morning to walk the dog, across the street, a house was on fire, one I considered buying, actually. Took some photos until I was advised that the electric company had cut the power to work because they couldn't get near enough to just cut power to the burning house, went inside to deal with that, was busily powering things off when our UPS died & things turned off on their own. Waited a long while for power to return, brought everything back up, gave things a quick once over, then went home. Immediately called back to bring a database which should have come online automatically online. Went home again, started uploading my photos, called back to work because the electric company people had announced they were going to briefly cut the power again, took everything down, waited. Took them longer than they said it would, fielding calls from sweet young thing re: when would I be able to meet for dinner, eventually the power went & came & I brought everything back up again & split.

Walked the poor dog quickly then headed into town to catch the tail end of dinner, call on way regarding problems with data flow from Greenfield, sorted those out on phone. Had a beer & bits of others' dinners, went for espresso & rum cake, went & saw the "Young @ Heart Chorus" documentary, another call from work in the middle of that, nothing serious.

Anyway, pretty lovely movie, nice old folks having fun & being entertaining, a bit too much of the wide angle lens for my taste, can't have everything. Memento mori, like I needed reminding.

Really wishing I had more time to hang with the kid & his grandma, the spice must flow, I guess.

Having some ginger ale, should really take the pup for another walk, foot hurts.

Woke up early, started getting some work done, then hit strange, unexpected roadblock. Having some more coffee.

Fun plans for later, seems like a long way to later.

Should shower.

No longer a 99 virgin, enjoyed some fried chicken strips & a pepsi.

Settling into Japanese cartoons.

Met L.'s mom, she seems funny & nice, wishing I had more time to spend with her & the kid while they're here. Sigh, work work work.

Assert, contradict, repeat. Good to have a method.

Coming off a weekend that really felt like one makes a refreshing change, lately they've been zipping by in ways that have been making my life seem like one long workweek. Will be glad to get myself moved.

General screwiness of foot seems to be dying down, giving shoes a shot.

Was just remarking to L. that we had just spent Sunday doing home improvement & grilling & that pretty soon I would probably be voting for major party candidates.

Also did some pet care, I suppose.

Anyway, Passover's off with a bang, just followed up last night's pork chops with some decidedly non-kosher hot dogs on fluffy buns from Pennsylvania Dutch country.

Been wanting a grill for a while, turns out it's just as amusing as I anticipated.

Did some wall cleaning preparatory to spackling, then we took the dogs for a walk in the park. Having some more coffee, going to do more wall cleaning shortly.

Downed the servers in my house the other day, funny to have no servers in the house.

A lot of activity yesterday, after Ludlow delight spree, went & got a charcoal grill & accoutrements, assembled it, finished stripping that wallpaper, grilled some pork chops, watched some Family Feud & Gilmore Girls. Sleepy L. wandered off upstairs to sleep & I fell asleep where I lay, surrounded by dogs. They seemed to enjoy that, managed to sleep in a bit.

Having some coffee, should do some spackling.

Those hippies sure make a good donut.

Run to Ludlow for quality Ludlow products planned for later.

Warm & sunny & spring all of a sudden.

Started feeling a bit lightheaded at work, came home & fixed myself a mess of quesadillas & beans, listening to the Only Ones, repeating in my head, 'the interpretation of a sign is always another sign.' Some things need drilling in.

After that, took a short walk with the dog, 'Double Vision' blaring loudly from the steel shop. It gets the best of me.

Startlingly warm day, have ditched the hoodie, will be returning to work soon, wishing I were on a picnic with my sweetie.

Signs are reemerging, in their cascading, loose arrays, must be spring.

The main temporal benefit of a rich inner life is the ability to produce surprising surface effects.

Don't know if I mentioned that the copy of V. I leave in the downstairs bathroom of my parents' house had gone missing last I was there, migrating geese reminded me, just the thought of migrating geese, actually, while I was showering.

Circling down the drain.

It's a funny thing, to have spent an autumn tarrying intimately with one morbidly preoccupied by the season, adds a lot of odd colors to my experience. Heavenly shades of night are falling & c.

Too detached for morbid preoccupations myself, quite a lot of morbid leitmotifs drifting about.

Being quite the slugabed.

Thinking about making dubious esthetic choices for the sake of doing so. Maybe a bit perverse.

Thinking about Lucretius on ghosts.

"I now begin
To teach you about images, so-called
A subject of most relevant importance.
These images are like a skin, a film,
Peeled from the body's surface, and they fly
This way and that across the air; they cause
A terror in our minds, whether we wake
Or in our sleep see fearful presences.
The replicas of those who have left the light
Haunt us and startle us horribly in dreams.
Let me repeat: these images of things,
These almost airy substances, are drawn
From surfaces; you might call them film, or bark,
Something like skin, that keeps the lock, the shape
Of what it held before its wandering."

So often feel I'm not even in the room, makes me want to get the hell out of it a good deal of the time. Outside, moving.

Nice, crazy, nice, crazy.

Exhausted, high levels of adrenaline, seems familiar.

Long, strange day.

Bizarrely busy at work with a confusing mishmash of duties, hard to describe, too tired to try. After that, made some quick ravioli, then went & delved a little into the world of community radio where absolutely nothing anyone tells you about network and computer configuration is to be believed, latest twist, their streaming server is running on Zeta. Guy whose house it was in was telling me it was Linux, seems everybody thinks everything odd is Linux these days.

L.'s sick,went & watched Gilmore Girls for a bit. Meant to pick up some Advil on the way home, was too tired. Thought about people so stupid & unimaginative that they imagine themselves hard nosed & realistic. They're going to kill us all.

Put some laundry in the dryer, limped over to work to hook up a computer so somebody could get his work done, limped home again. Having some more coffee.

Just got info necessary to fix some broken thing at work, going to go back & fix it, I think.

Up early, doing laundry, hello, sunshine.

Music listening, book reading, etc. have been at a bit of a low ebb, should probably rectify that, baby steps. Should also be cooking more. Need to figure out a farm share.

Should write some poems.

Just canceled my sdsl service, hello, thrifty new lifestyle. Anyway, bit of an end of an era, was very useful for learning about servers & such, just as glad to look forward to no longer having any in the house though, get quite enough of that at work these days.

Thinking over upcoming expenses, it occurs to me that I should really have had the sense, when essentially used as a sex therapist by a friend, to bill her for it.

Work is, as expected, bizarrely busy & scattered, some day this week is going to end.

Back from a few days away, the corporate spam filter fills up to excess, just cleared out everything prior to 7 AM this morning so I'd have some hope at reviewing the remainder with discernment, 1111 messages left in box. Make a wish.

Toes are cold in sandals in server room, still happier that way.

Just back from feeble limp around the block with pup, steeling myself for what promises, with the boss away on vacation, to be quite the hectic workweek.

Finally getting around to paying rent, seems like I'm behind on everything, hoping once I get myself moved, the dust will settle & I'll become productive & reliable again.

Till then, aiiieeee!

Happy birthday, Dad.

Sleepy, sleepy day. Just woke from nap for discussion of friend of my mother's unpalatable marriage/financial situation. Makes my stomach hurt to think about it. Having a refreshing beverage.

Woken early by barky dog, then drove down to Northampton to do some work & shopping.

Came back to Greenfield &, apart from brief trip to kitchen store for amusing kitchen items, have been lazing about the house watching movies & eating.

Sleepy, sleepy.

About to head out to Springfield to see the Smothers Brothers. Strange but true.

Just changed from sandals to sneakers, they don't seem to be the torture they were yesterday, nice.

L. is walking Peretz for me, sweet of her.

May get German food before the retro comedy. We enjoy meat.

Went to Wagon Wheel for lunch, Harmony Springs soda available, hurrah. Selling well, apparently, all they had left was grape. Not my favorite, still pretty lovely.

Also had a locally raised burger, hip, hip!

Went by 2nd St Bakery in Turners after to order a lemon cake, got a surprisingly good cinnamon roll.

At L.'s now, 2nd tile guy just came & went, his views differed from the 1st, it seems.

So, tiresome as it was for me & Peretz for me to stay largely off hurt foot yesterday, it seems to have helped a good deal. Going to try walking shortly, hopefully that won't fuck it up again.

Maybe I'll do some packing.

Feeling a bit damaged, not just the gimpy foot.

Relax, alone, think scary thoughts.

Poor sick bird.

Dog walk was a sufficiently painful experience that I decided my plan to go out this evening was overambitious. Crappy scifi TV here we come.

Here's how it is: I'm collapsed on the couch, in a hoodie, socks, etc. Until a couple minutes ago I still had my shoes on. My ambitions: pajamas & blanket. Seems pretty unattainable, maybe if I work at it.

Big guy, fucked up feet. It's a drag.

Spent a long time watching the rain through my window.

Should really take the dog for a walk.

Slow news day.

Just back from buying gas, coffee. Lying on couch, still sore foot elevated, drinking potassium-enriched beverage, watching Dr. Who.

Wanted to do a bunch of stuff with half day off, accomplished the above.

Going to limp my sad way over to show at Hampshire later, I think.

Having a difficult time waking up.

Moving more data.

That's my girl:

Really lovely spring day.

Stuck inside, painfully bored.

Fun plans for later.

Coffee & donuts make the war machine go. Go, machine, go.

It also likes cigarettes.

Finally got around to doing my taxes, owed the Feds money as expected, not much, in any case just as glad to owe them money, not too interested in making them no interest loans for their jackboots, pleasant to imagine I've made it so some poor soul will have their face stepped on forever minus approximately six months rather than forever period.

They just borrow money if they're short of course & pay way more to their profiteering buddies per jackboot than I owed them, still, a pleasant enough fantasy in its way.

Marginal gains is how we roll. Whoop, whoop! Watch out, paper tigers!

Toe is really feeling a great deal better.

Drinking more coffee. Later, I should really do my taxes.

Adopting a cheerful outlook in 1, 2, 3... Go!

Everything's great.

Once again have my expectations of other peoples' craziness, stupidity, predictability proven accurate. It's a bit of a drag, really. Keep hoping for surprising cleverness, oh well, will try to keep meeting my quota & let other people worry about their own.

OK, going to haul some musical equipment to Greenfield.

Long, strange night, dominated by feeling like my foot was on fire, woken repeatedly by brushing toe against blanket, etc. Trying to figure out how I'm going to get the many tasks involving walking I have to do today done. Painfully, I suppose. Where's my magic ice sock?

Terse, tiresome, motor's a bit wound down.

Went to free soup & game night, lovely as always, though greedy hippies had lapped up most of the soup by the time we arrived & my facetious suggestions that others punch me in the face to relieve tension met with the usual cold response. One of these days somebody's going to walk away enlightened, best to keep at it.

Foolish humans.

Soaked my feet for a while, they feel pretty nice right now, though toe remains twingey. Peretz's last walk of the day was a lesson in the redemptive value of suffering, pity I don't much believe in that.

Shelf is established & book laden in new location, one down, oh god please no to go.

Sweet young thing is making rice krispies treats.

Pain in toe is almost unbearable.

Loaded a bunch of stuff into car, now there's a blank spot where a shelf used to be. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ai, ai ai.

Stabbing toe pain continues.

Layered feelings of lousiness, did go get some pomegranate juice in the hope it would help with the toe.

Back to being lectured about how I'm wrong to allow my feelings to be hurt. My favorite. At least this isn't of the insane totally detached from reality variety, just the regular old frustrated that sorry doesn't make it all instantly better kind. It'll be better later, just be feeling glum and unmotivated for a bit. Sorry about that.

Stomach has settled down a bit, may take a nap.

Been spending time not in the bathroom packing books into bags, should be interesting watching the place empty out.

Toe still hurts, fuck. Would drink some cranberry juice if I didn't think it would make me vomit. Yo ho ho.

In any case, a lovely spring day.

Woke early with stomach cramps, they haven't gone away, taking the day off.

Ow, ow, ow.

Lying on couch, watching TV, foot hurting, mind wandering far & wide. Sometimes wish it were all a bit less vivid.

Only sometimes, mostly it's pretty glorious, all the pretty colors, etc.

Pretty, pretty. Should watch Barbarella again soon, maybe projected on a wall.

Drive to & from Cape uneventful but tiring in the rain. Foot started hurting again.

Afraid I'm becoming a bit too prosaic, life imitating art & all that. Sadly, not becoming any more photogenic.

Peretz is glad to have me back. Cozy in a heap on the couch.

Morning dog chaos is becoming a routine, wish we had a fenced yard, would simplify things.

Waiting for coffee to brew.

Going to take the kids back to the Cape this afternoon, sad to see them go, they're interesting & fun.

Off to a slow start, coffee, donuts, toasted rye with cream cheese.

Walked dogs down the railroad tracks.

Headed to Northampton soon.

Brief but busy & unusually sociable day at work, talked about home improvement & the Singularity, gave away tickets to movie because the intended users are coming in later than expected.

After all that, went home where the felt min donuts from Singapore were awaiting me, took a lot of photos of those. Also did some shopping, weirdly difficult locating E.T. bagels on a Friday afternoon, everybody wants to eat, I guess.

Hanging out with dogs in Greenfield, just took Pickles for a walk, then Peretz. Tested out walking Pickles on Peretz's extendable leash, found it a good deal easier. Still pretty wet out.

At some point, L. should arrive with her entourage from the Cape & we'll all go out for dinner.

Just had to break up another fracas, Pickles is having some quiet time outside, P & I are enjoying some in.

Pretty cold & wet, but the air smells like spring.

Can't shake foot cramp. Maybe more coffee will help.

Foot hurts, thinking about what a pain in the ass I can be.

It's raining.

Ow, ow, ow.

All tactics, no strategy. Just how I am, also think it's best, but that's probably a rationalization.

Being aware of most things should help, but doesn't much. Mostly people & things do their thing, run along their own little tracks. Lovely little circles, wheels within wheels. Sometimes not so lovely, still tempting to just sit back & watch it all spin. Somehow I keep finding myself trying to interfere.

Oh, look, another train wreck. Walk away, whistling.

Whistle, what a nice word.

Wh, wh. Sst, sst. Chugga, chugga, chugga. Toot, toot.

Thrown & projected, that's how it goes with Dasein, I guess.

In other words, no coffee at work but flavored coffee, just took a little stroll to the corner cafe so I could get on with being toward Being more authentically.

Seems to be working.

Peretz met with adorable two month old puppy over lunch, exchanged notes.

Trying to figure out what's for supper.

Quite the day, work continues busy, rushed from there to assistance of nonprofit with network nonfunctional because of inexperience & lack of caution. After that went & got wallpaper glue solvent & fast food, walked the dog then loaded him into the car & drove to Greenfield. Stripped some more wallpaper, just ate an Adams double chocolate donut.

Did I mention I'm moving to Greenfield?

Hands have that magical soaked in chemicals feeling.

Peretz is growling & whining, tail wagging the whole time. Pickles isn't sure what to make of it.

Still a bit sluggish & creaky, but the fog's slowly clearing, objectives organizing into neat rows, decision trees forming. Killer robot, matrix aligned, guns hot, ready to go.

Zap zap! Take that, silly humans!

They imagine it's the killer robots that are humorless, so much the worse for them.

Spent a good deal of the evening stripping wallpaper. It was pretty fun.

There was an exciting thunderstorm.

Walking around its aftermath with Peretz, thought about humans and narrative, wonder what things would be like if more people understood much about narrative.

Darn sleepy.

Weather's turned warm, pretty sweaty.

Again with the hurty ankle.

Spent the day doing some remarkably silly shit.

Ankle feels a bit better, icing it.

All sorts of funny circles in my head, need to get on with things, get on with constructing the new.

Wishing things at work would calm down sufficiently that I could get working on improvements, sick of being forced into a reactive posture.

Bleh.

Combat ready, combat ready.