Thursday, January 31, 2008

Bunny puppet dialogue:

Flopsy: (sigh) Raining again today, days like this this make me want to hurt myself sometimes, just a little cut and watch the blood flow.

Mopsy: Hey, don't do that, you know what I like to do when I get a little bit glum?- I like to do conceptual art!

Flopsy: Conceptual art? What's that?

Mopsy: Well, you know what art is, right? When you make something which has as its primary purpose partaking in the various esthetic attributes, such as a beauty, sublimity, humor, the grotesque and so on.

Flopsy: Sure, every bunny knows that!

Mopsy: Well, in conceptual art, instead of making art with paint or clay or words, you make it with pure concepts, though often with a material substrate.

Flopsy: I think maybe I understand a little...

Mopsy: Concepts are whatever divides the world into what is and what is not something, we use them all the time, but often we're not aware that we're doing so, conceptual art helps us use concepts as our tools rather than letting them use us as theirs.

Flopsy: (begins self cutting)
Lecture went pretty well, all things considered, or a lot of things, at least. Neil's new thing at the Rendezvous seems a strange & wonderful one, last Wednesday of every month, be sure to miss it if you're stupid & lack taste.

Thinking about something I said at lecture about the fun of Sudoku being an artifact of the limitations of our minds, got me thinking again about the philosophical leitmotif of the finitude of the mind, so often a premise in arguments by people you'd think would know better, Davidson comes to mind. Really, to me, to say the mind is finite seems a lot of nonsense, quite literally, doesn't mean a damn thing. In the case of Davidson, since all he really wants to do is offer as simple a semantic theory as possible with as much explanatory power as possible, this ridiculous premise, with its underlying metaphor of mind as container, isn't even necessary, as that's what one wants out of any theory, pretty much. Just saying.

In other news, Peretz & I stayed over at the lady friend's place last night, took P a while to settle in, but it was pretty lovely & something I think we'll be doing a lot more of in time to come. Morning came & we went out for coffee & delicious Adams donuts, their buttercrunch is spectacular, maple frosting also a must do.

Sneezy sneezy sneezy, but otherwise feeling much better, thanks.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Luxuriating a bit before big performance, at least as far as one sneezing one's head off can be, sipping ginger tea, being fed ginger cookies hot from the oven. Nice lady.

More dog integration activities also, the squirt bottle is now being employed to discourage inappropriate sexual contact.
Moving slowly this morning, stuffy head, rainy out, Peretz is grooming himself beside me on the gray blanket.

Forgot to make arrangements to go look at NPO's mail server tomorrow, should do that some time today.

Should take a shower some time today.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

So sick I left work early despite all the to do to do to do business. Almost all done with lecture prep. Did laundry. Gave person performing before me tomorrow night a lift to Hampshire as I observed him en route to missing the bus to there while traveling to Amherst on errand of work.

Looking forward to romantic soup eating & TV viewing later, right now, dog wants out.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Worked on video for a while, but transcoding was taking unexpectedly long, so moved on to making handouts, will finish video tomorrow. Should also get with the revision and expansion of lecture. Etc., etc.

Got so involved in what I was doing, forgot to eat. Finally remembered & made a frozen pizza. Peretz was very pleased.

Coughing my head off, should probably go to sleep, too wound up.
Work terribly tiring, got home, worked on video for lecture for a while, then the dog needed out.

While walking him, was thinking about how people generally leave other people because of their own internal dynamics, other people generally feel it's all down to their inadequacies. Those aware of the whole internal dynamics thing generally feel bad for not being adequate to overcoming the other people's internal dynamics. Of course, there's no overcoming other people's internal dynamics.

It's similar to how being bored is almost always one's own fault, almost the same thing, actually.

Sad business.

Going to get back to my video.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Second day in a row I've bought a Vitamin Water then forgotten it in the car, might make one think I'm sick & exhausted or something, not complaining, mind.

Out under jagged half moon with Peretz, chill pushing up my cuffs.

Lovely dinner was quite lovely, sad bit at the end when better half got a call from hurt friend, would be best if people would stop hurting one another, mostly done out of boredom with life is my impression. Am therefore working out a variety of plans for amusement and gaiety.

Sucking on a cough drop.
Got through the serious crash and burn part of newspaper systems migration & am therefore done for the day, going to go have some nice dinner shortly.

Post-nasal drip, cough, exhaustion continue unabated, sigh.

Seriously need to get cracking on video presentation, handouts for lecture Wednesday, tomorrow, tomorrow, not today.

Pedestrian as it gets, sorry, loyal readers, will get back to mystic crystal revelations once work crunch is over, I promise.
Movers are running about 2 hours behind, Peretz has an upset stomach, presumably from stress, me too, have come home to make myself a little more coffee, sit quietly with Peretz, disinfect & apply Sesame Street Bandaid to flathead screwdriver gouge in side of left index finger.

In other news, it's the one month anniversary of first dinner date with sweet young thing, would very much like to buy her a little present, take her out for nice dinner, we'll see if I have time.

Have been adding it up in my head & have worked something like a hundred hours of so far uncompensated overtime since the middle of last month, was told this business would be made worth my while, slaving under piles of equipment with a stuffy head & cough, doesn't really seem likely or possible that it will be.

Lips are showing signs of becoming chapped, will perhaps apply balm.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Still feeling ill, been up in Greenfield most of the day doing dog meet and greet, went & got Chinese soup & dumplings, came back for more meet and greet, P & I will probably stay over, eventually, I hope, everyone will be friends.

Tomorrow, more work.

Sorry for being so boring, being sick & tired makes me boring.

Boring, boring, boring.

Soup was nice.
Still feeling pretty shabby, better for sleep, off for some a/v testing, dog play date & possibly donuts shortly with my pal Shortly.

Peretz is asleep on a pile of her clothes, our decadence may surprise you.

A little more coffee, then we're an on time machine, going to form like Voltron, etc.
Feeling pretty remarkably lousy. Did manage to make tasty dinner despite that. Priorities, etc.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Brief but hellish day at work, unplugged an awful lot of cables, fingertips hurt like the dickens. Went home, walked the dog, in Greenfield now, just made 5 Asianish sauces to enjoy with scallion pancakes, dumplings,who knows what else later.

Still feeling a bit ill, sweet young thing made me some peppermint tea, sweet of her.

Need to go to Foster's for more makings.
Sleepily driving home down 91 a short while ago, alongside time imagery, was thinking:

"The poor sap, the poor fucking stupid sap."

Pity isn't a feeling I much approve of or enjoy, requires a good deal of provocation.

Feeling good & sick, not just with pity. Should really be asleep.
There is a certain impulse to purify time by stripping it of content, also an opposing impulse to glory in the impurities of a populated time. One could, if one wished, elaborate quite a nice dialectic out of these conflicting impulses.

These days, though, I've been thinking along quite different lines, of reducing time to a content, as one might reduce a sauce, until it coats the back of a spoon in a satisfying manner.

Ah!- delectable essence of time, a teaspoonful of all the pretty pictures.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Barber shop still closed, haircut deferred until next week, I guess. Got some work done, looks like some other work's not going to get done because people are too busy to let me do it, going to go do some other work instead.

Feel like I might have a cold coming on, hope not.

OK, off to do more work.
Done with cables for now. Just ate a piece of bread, hoping it'll make me feel less like throwing up. Going to walk dog, maybe get a haircut, go do more work.
Patch cables, patch cables & more patch cables.

Makes my fingers hurt, but in other respects a fine meditative activity.

Meditating on other people & their touchy/taboo subjects, don't have any problem telling what those are, have a big problem making them my own, prefer not to have any touchy/taboo subjects, having them makes me feel crazy.

Feeling a bit like there's an effort underway to train me in some of those, it's not going to work, sorry, could not love you loved I not not feeling crazy more.

Back to patch cables.
Been thinking a lot, generally, but particularly over the past few days, about my patterns of response to others' madnesses, large and small. Mostly it's concern, analysis, mockery, in no particular order, mostly all at once- probably neither the most effective or kindest triad, more respectful than most. Yeah, respectful mockery. Here's the thing: it presumes a rational agent in there somewhere, seeing what's actually happening, interested in what's actually happening, able to see the humor in it.

That I think this presumption is a false one is a whole other thing. Pretty much think that these madnesses are down among the primary processes, doing their stuff, and that agents, subjects, persons & the like are secondary constructs virtualized atop these processes, mere froth upon the churning waves, pretty much.

In any case, a pretense that the superstructure can significantly affect the base is one of my primary gambits, partly it's a matter of maintaing pure ironic form, sometimes it somehow pans out & we get to enjoy the world reversed, carnival, for a time at least.

Love a long shot, I do, I do.
Sipping coffee, fingertips ache from making patch cables yesterday, need to make more today.

Trying to figure out what would be fun to do with unforeseen day off Saturday.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tasty appetizer involving goat cheese is on the way, to be accompanied by vinho verde & followed by a trip to Rein's, maybe a little shopping before or after, still need coffee.

Been working a little on video presentation for my lecture on the 30th, not quite sure where the time to finish that's going to come from, maybe a humble request to the saturnine deities would help.

Need to make handouts, revise & expand lecture also, ai ai ai.
Just went & fetched 150 rj45 connectors from the electrical supply store, home now enjoying a bowl of Peanut Butter Puffins, the all natural peanut butter cereal with the puffin on the box. Once done with that, may head down the street for a haircut.
When one cares about crazy people, often enough one gets trapped in a cycle of hoping they're smart enough not to do some stupid thing then, once they've done that, hoping they don't do the likely consequent stupid thing & so on. Mostly they do the stupid thing, fail to rise above their own craziness, sucks, but just how it is. Leads to diminished expectations of others generally, probably best.

For example- got support call from work last night, once again a third party failing to do a job we're not allowed to do, so much of that lately, pretty galling, sick of it. Diminished expectations help.

Thinking I should shave, maybe I'll shave.

Remind me to get coffee later, would you, dear?
Lovely moonlight tonight.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Hectic day, home now, fixing dinner for my sweetie who's working a 12 hour day herself, going to bring it up to her around 9, I guess. Hang in there, sweetie, help is on the way.

Listening to Strapping Fieldhands.

Realized last week that I had basically never been using an ipod in my car since 2006, partially that was that I wasn't driving much, but it was mostly being sad & worried & not thinking about treating myself with kindness. Still worried, not particularly sad, don't see any particular reason to not treat myself with kindness.

Dinner's all done, now cooling for transport.
Prednisoneirics performance from the other night, thanks, Tim:

Labeling photos on Flickr just now, lots of toys, not too long ago, toy stores were making me cry, seem to have found my way back to grim toy professionalism, more my thing, family tradition, big part of political strategy, etc.

Me & my emotional problems, strolling down the avenue, hey!

Going to check work email, then shower, I think.
Fell asleep watching lovely violent anime, woke to absercizer advert, the way of things.

Coffee just finished brewing, sipping some now, planning my campaign against the unbelievers. Faith without works is dead.

Need to get working on video presentation for lecture on the 30th, revision & expansion of lecture, etc., etc.

Believe I'm going to be working from now straight through next Wednesday, lots of fun stuff after that, would like to do fun stuff while that's going on as well, trying to figure that out.

Peretz is pushed up against my hip, sleeping on comforter.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Just back from a walk with Peretz, we're both shaking the cold out of our hair, it's damn cold.

Settling in to a restful evening at home, sort of nice for that to be a disappointment again.

Fingers hurting from the cold, cold pressing through the window.

Driving home from Greenfield, was thinking about where I'm at with things, it's been a strange few years of being a nine-to-five sap. If I felt like being tedious, I could go on & on about the challenges of reconciling an artistic vocation with the demands of adulthood, it is pretty challenging, have had a hard time feeling and acting like myself, seem to be getting better at it.

Peretz is eating his dinner.
Went on a little excursion northward looking for Transylvanian pastries, Lebanese specialties, didn't find either, pastry shop in Northfield's gone the way of all flesh, perhaps in the company of its elderly owners, Sarkis Market has returned but is closed on Mondays. Had delightful sushi/Korean lunch instead, bought a new jacket, scarf, tiny japanese dishes with images of sea creatures within. Went to the Brattleboro co-op after to get little snacks to put in the new dishes. Eating those now with some beer.

Life's getting out ahead of the blogging a bit, sorry about that.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

More dog meet'n'greet, little more problematic today, Pickles doesn't know when to stop, Peretz is a bit pissed about it, etc., etc. We all went on a sunset walk through snowy park.

Pie not as good as donuts/bismarks, still pretty decent, shockingly cheap, nice apple filling, will try cream pie next.

Not sure what's on next, but I imagine it'll be fun.
After I was finished with radio tech support (ran a little long, dj was nice enough to let me keep working, we chatted a bit about organic farming) rushed over to Kay's Pastry Shop to get bismarks to give away, barely made it before closing time. $6.90 for 8 bismarks & a small apple pie, nice folks, recommend you check it out.

After that, went & explored Holyoke flea market, looking for bobbleheads, there were a few, but they were crap, bought a collectible beer can & called it a day.

Home eating lunch now, need to go do some routine work chores, walk Peretz. Hoping we can reconvene with Pickles and his adorable master soon.
At radio station, messing about with sound drivers, somewhat fun, wish I were elsewhere.

Peretz is feeling neglected, need to run some errands after this, so he'll feel neglected some more, I guess. Hoping to take him for more fun with Pickles later, maybe that'll help.

Transitional periods always have their difficult aspects.

So, play date yesterday, went well, took a lot of pictures.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Branka sent me this:

I believe I've said it before, but it bears repeating, having a Serbian friend in Chile enriches one's life.
Lazy morning, coffee, donut, listening to the Zombies.

Dog meet up planned for later.

Been discussing the merits of Internet.
Performed at performance, went OK, I think, recorded it with portable recorder, will check later & see.

Stay & watched others perform, took a few pictures, made some tentative plans for other performances.

Home again, resting.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Italian wedding soup's all done, awaiting arrival of dear girl with sniffles who requested it. Tastes pretty good, was relatively simple to make.

Later, going to do performance, maybe go to karaoke at WWII club after. The days are just packed.
T1's back up, we were in the process of getting a new voice T1 provisioned for our new acquistion, apparently Verizon decided our data line was a spare & switched it over to voice, whoopee. Only took 5 hours for them to figure out that they'd done that, 14 hours better than last time they cut that, let's hear it for regulated monopolies, hip hip!

OK, going to move on to making little meatballs for Italian wedding soup.
Work T1 is down, supposedly a Verizon tech is out on a pole somewhere fixing something, walked T1 in to the CO in town, singing 'I walk the line' quietly to myself, no sign of tech. Oh what a pearl, what a well-made world.

Playing with Internet over secondary connection at work, trying to decide if I might as well go home.
Slow morning, playing around with my inner darkness, making pretty pictures.

Making soup plans.
Lingered in Greenfield a bit longer than was really prudent given the state of the weather, treacherous drive home over a sheet of white, quite lovely, really.

Amusing incident before that in which Pickles violently overturned Scrabble board in pursuit of cat, tiles flying in a beautiful dispersed arc.

Having a bit of an anxiety episode, my stomach's pretty upset, seem to have somehow turned up somebody who that doesn't terrify, makes a nice change.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Close call with dog left me so fidgety that I headed up to Greenfield earlier than planned & walked around for a while taking pictures, then got a coffee, some pear juice & shampoo from the local co-op.

Sitting in warm car now, leeching closed coffee house's wifi.

The alteration of my mood of late has been quite something, still very worried, but better able to cope with that, it's pretty nice. Thanks for that, dear, hope your meeting's going well.
A while ago, got back from walk with Peretz during which he suddenly rushed out into busy street, he's fine, me not so much.

Doing strange little vocalizations in preparation for performance tomorrow. EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE-AAAAAH-EEE.

Squeak squeak.
Decided that there being a Mac with antivirus software installed there wasn't sufficient reason to sit around in a hot office, installed clamav on my laptop & am scanning the thing that needs scanning in comfort of my home. After I got that started, made myself kickass Italian style sandwich, enjoyed it so much, I'm making another now.

Life's grand.
Spent far too long at work laying cable, still not done, other stuff awaits, will get back to cable in the morning, sorry, cable.

Going to walk dog, get on to other things that await.
Slow morning, hanging with Lauri, we're both going into work late, her because of board meeting, me to have more after hours time at my company's new acquisition, ick.

Lazing around in the morning's still a treat, though.

Peretz is asleep on his gray blanket.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Long day. Just back from walk with Peretz, uploading photos, labeling photos, eagerly awaiting arrival of lady friend, think we're going to have another go at Korean food, tried & true Gohyang this time around, also planning to inquire about singing room rates & availability.

Having some Polar sapphire ginger ale, it's interesting, a bit like Moxie. Like Moxie.
Efforts to take a sick day haven't been very successful, finally made it back home, was starting to do more work, think I may go check out former coworker's new office instead.

I don't know, indecisive.

Will maybe roast some peppers first & think about it.
Stomach really hurts, feel a bit like I might throw up, came into work anyway, too much to do, sometimes I can be so fucking stupid.

OK, going to go run errands for work, bleh.
Damn tired. Dark, icy drive home. Peretz is excited to see me.

Trying to decide whether to stop writing this, haven't got the heart for it much lately, seems like. Find myself just wanting to be out in the world, doing fun things. Even taking fewer photos.

Funny finding myself in such demand suddenly, playing at a benefit in town on Friday, giving a lecture in Turner's Falls on the 30th, etc., etc.

OK, dog needs walking.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sitting at nice young lady's desk, just watched Best in Show again, played with Pickles.

Losing track of time, it's kind of nice.

No nice Korean takeout available, had nice Chinese takeout instead.
Trouble waking up, hoping dreams of sampling unknown Korean later will get me through my day at work.

Sluggish head, when my alarm woke me was convinced I had hit snooze on it a few times already, must've dreamt it.

Need to shower, walk dog, etc., etc.
Came into this evening feeling pretty shaky, leaving it the same way, part in between was really nice.

Invented a little side dish I was pretty happy with, here's how it went: took 5 sweet potatoes, peeled them, cut them into 1" cubes, put in roasting pan, tossed with olive oil, salt, pepper, roasted in a 425 deg oven for about 40 minutes, while that was happening, sliced up 2 small-medium yellow onions, caramelized them in 1/4 cup of butter, added a little salt, a lot of chile molido, dash of nutmeg, made a paste, set aside, when sweet potatoes were done, mashed them, mixed them in small casserole with onion/chile mixture, a little cream, a little cheddar cheese, baked for about 20 minutes at 350. Found it very tasty, just ate the last of it.

After that did a little Jesus Christ Superstar singalong & so forth. All quite lovely.

A little after midnight, got call from work, RIP problem, was able to fix it from home, made me aggravated. A little while after that, nice young lady departed seeming a little out of sorts, took the dog for a walk, very slippery, everything beautiful & sparkly, hoping nice young lady gets home safe & sound, I've grown quite fond of her.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Working from home, too many distractions at work to get work done, distracting myself here, reading over 'Three Versions of Judas.'

"In adultery, there is usually tenderness and self-sacrifice; in murder, courage;
in profanation and blasphemy, a certain satanic splendor."

Get it? Got it? Good.
Slept like a stone, having trouble waking up. Trying to catch up on labeling photos.

Peretz wants out, really need to shower, keep closing my eyes & drifting off.

Liking this winter much better than last, snow piling up again outside, among other things.
Close my eyes, feel myself drifting to the left, could use some sleep.

Outside, the big snowflakes have begun to fall.

Earlier, went out to karaoke, sang "I don't know how to love him", "Peppermint Twist".

OK, bed.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Did a bunch of prep for hopefully tasty pasta dish I intend to finish in Greenfield shortly.

After that, karaoke- it's a whole new me!
So Kay's Pastry Shop is, it turns out, A fucking 1, top drawer & cheap. 8 donuts & 2 real cream filled bismarks came to $3.40, just for a for instance. Damn beautiful donuts, took a bunch of pix, Lauri got one of the counter staff to take some behind the counter/behind the scenes photos as well, pretty awesome.

Delicious as the donuts were, we had gotten an excessive quantity, dropped them off with Jess for safe keeping.

Came back, rebooted servers, Lauri's off to take care of her own business, I've just tossed a load into the washer, going to walk the dog & think about what to make the darling girl for dinner later. Pasta, pasta, I think.
Going to go check out Kay's Bakery in Holyoke in a minute, have long wanted to sample & photograph their donuts.

Have been having a really lovely weekend, really pretty over the top.

Loveliness has eaten into my 'do stuff for the community radio station' time, they're a bunch of crybabies anyway, will get to it when I get to it.

A little more coffee, get directions, then thunderbirds are go.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Spent day chilling out, pretty much, new & different, pretty nice.

Retrieved Peretz, going to walk him, go eat momo, yak, see Cooper play in town in a bit.

A little cognac first.
Morning coffee with the new lady friend, very pleasant, ordering her to put on the early Cat Stevens now, large & in charge, oh hahaha.

Hard to describe how pleasant the effect of a dozen oysters chased with a tiramisu had on body & spirit, ah. Ah, ah!

'I Love My Dog' is on, all is right with the world, at least in my immediate vicinity, will have to do.
Busy, busy day. Went to work, came home, went & did more work, went & got oil change, had mechanic look at electrical system thing also, he left blower fan unplugged, got home, lay down in puddle & plugged it back in, took Peretz to Easthampton, took Peretz for a walk in Easthampton, left Peretz at Chris & Jess's in Easthampton, drove to Greenfield, glorious sunset en route, fetched Lauri, drove to Alewife, took T to Government Center, went to Union Oyster House, ate a lot of oysters, a little clam chowder, walked by harbor, went to Mike's Pastry Shop for coffee, cannoli, tiramisu, walked by the TD Banknorth Garden, was still hungry so got a burrito, rode T back to Alewife, talked with drunken soldiers, one was pretty friendly & sane, other one not so much, other ones in between, one dissed my Tinkerbell hat & pissed Lauri off, I was talking to the sane one & didn't notice, drove back up 2, dark, wet, got ineptly pulled over by state trooper for driving 80 or 72 or whatever, after some charming banter on both sides was given written warning. Back in Greenfield now, was a really nice day.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Listening to Stiff Little Fingers, doing a little dance, shimmy & a shoulder shake, twistin', pop 'n' lock, you name it.

Vivid colors, harsh perspectives, simultaneously more theoretical & abstract, concrete & abstract objects all the same to me, pretty much, die off or proliferate together, like a lot of objects, a lot of movement, it's all coming back, thanks for that, dear.

Need to get things moving outside my head as well, set up some positive feedback, good vibrations, art angles, DIY spaces, media empire, discussion group. Noise camp, noise camp.

All the pretty colors, choirs of angels, deep arrays, animal strivings, the metamorphoses of the forms- watching the bones elaborate the structures they keep inside themselves, dress themselves in flesh & rot away again- following the logic, you know.
Watching the rain out the upstairs windows, trying to think of fenced areas in which to introduce Peretz & Pickles, their correspondence has been mostly quite affectionate, though Pickles has expressed some reservations about Peretz's personal history & ethnic heritage.

Want to get around some Wellfleet oysters later, looking into options.

Trying to get some poetry going in my head, it's not working yet, moving out in the world almost always helps.

Working out some vocal lines to go with this Bollywood stuff that's playing.

Maybe it's almost time to get started on Le Gay Lads. What do you think Tim?
Never did have that coffee milk, did go to see music in town, home again, drinking some cranberry juice & seltzer.

Peretz seems glad to have me back. Licking my wrist.

Damn tired.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Had some snacks, back in the saddle, going to go see some music in town in a bit.

Having a glass of water.

Peretz is lying pensively on Pickles's blanket. He misses Pickles.

Maybe a glass of coffee milk.
Home again, walked the dog, in a bit of a daze.

Yawning. Another workweek almost finished.

Sleepy, sleepy.
Finally doing that penetration testing, whee!

Hot as hell in these offices, ick.

Whee! Ick. Whee! Ick.
Animal news, animal news!

More "Pelican lands at Bridge of Flowers", less "Mayor attends pie-eating contest" pls. Like my fluff actually fluffy & cute, thanks.
Thinking about how lousy people are, confronted with multiplicity. Always a pat answer.

Been trying to document it a little bit, make a point, one stream out of billions, never step in the same river once. They're all like that, all the same, all different.

There's more variation these days over any 50 miles of populated ground than over 99.9whatever% of human history, still everybody's got a pat answer. Things have become inconceivable, strictly speaking. The only reduction or simplification that'll make that go away is the sort performed with bomb, gun, machete. Reductions, hypostases, simplifications, if they make it to praxis, that's what they come down to.

The real way out is deeper in, c'mon along, it'll be fun.
Thinking about Frothy Shakes songs & how much fun I had writing & singing them.

Fantasizing about the magic perfect radio dial, every channel perfect, every channel different, moving through a space of such channels. The world could be better in so many ways, so many would be so easy.

Ripping cds, listening to Chris Knox, should be showering, walking the dog. No longer feeling empty, guess my heart needed some new things in it, it's doing a lot better now.

Little animals, big world, scary but a lot of options.
Got a lady friend who's an artist with the camera:

Also has nice legs. I'm a lucky fella.
Out walking the dog, beautiful starry night, decided what was really called for was a glass of cognac & falling asleep watching the TV, going to do that now.

After work walks with Peretz, the past few days, been watching Mars high above the river, a tiny beady eye, watching.

A world full of marvelous things, well, well.
So fucking tired, need to walk the dog, feeling pretty cheerful, never thought I'd make it to taco night, but there I was & it was easy & nice, nice & easy, how things should be.

OK, going to walk the dog.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Finally got around to taco night, it was a surprise, pretty nice. Compromise solutions often better than original plan.

Also got to beat a couple hot chicks at Scrabble, it's a man's world.
Done with work or as done as I'm getting anyway, walked dog thinking about world political situation, thinking that any political strategy not directed at military deescalation & mitigation of economic inequity isn't worth wasting my time thinking about. So don't bother me with any of those, please.

Tactics, now that's something entirely different. Would love to hear about those, have some ideas myself.

Thinking about getting some donuts, love makes the world go round.
Was finding it impossible to catch up on work at work, came home to catch up on work.

On the way, was shocked to see cop pulling over Mercedes, then noticed driver was black.
Was hoping to work in that penetration test today, minor purge script disaster at work has put the kibosh on that, I think. Maybe tomorrow?

Lots going on, things happening fast at home & abroad, more my style, too fast to work, too fast to write, etc., etc.

Peretz's stomach seems to have settled somewhat, we'll see how it goes.

This is so fucked up I'm at a bit of a loss how to react to it, probably should just move ahead trying to improve our local community station's infrastructure & automation, hi ho.

It's Kulturkampf, kids, we have the technology, we can win. Let's do it.
Up again after not enough sleep, back to doing that because there are too many fun things to pack into each day rather than the extensive night terror business, preferable, you know?

Peretz needed to be taken out for some urgent matters, poor guy, I've been stressing him out, need to put him back on the rice & pumpkin for a bit.

Trying to wake up, it's not working.
Pretty shockingly sleepy, even for me, going to sleep might be sensible.

Long delay.



Dripping faucet.

Dripping faucet.

Interstate traffic sounds.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Bit of a harsh day at work, sleepy, achey, did the last bit from home. Was feeling pretty wiped out.

Then hot chick came by, we sort of half watched Bringing Up Baby, I made nutritious, well-balanced meal with quality local products, walked the dog. Feel a lot better.
Just had what I think is a really, really excellent idea for a website, might be challenging to implement, think I might make an effort.

In other unknown reserves of sense untapped by hot shower news, had the bright idea to put some muscle rub on my aching neck.

Hi ho, hi ho.
Was filling out jury service form, noticed it could be done on a website, went to do that instead, IE only, WTF?

Can't remember the last time I actually went to an IE-only site, leave it to MassGov, I guess.

Anyway, just remoted into work & did it there, but not everybody can do that, please fix, kthxbye.
Fell asleep on the couch listening to music, probably not the wisest thing for one with a sore neck, probably not the wisest person.

Woke to 'A Man Needs a Maid', pretty song.

Had enough of the same old song, singing a new one.

Writing exercise, writing exercise.
Chris did show up eventually, after soup night was done & we'd moved on to karaoke, forgot to give him some media I meant to, will mail it I guess. Nice to see him. Performed poorly executed rendition of 'Waterloo Sunset', reasonably rousing one of 'Peace Train'. Have long enjoyed that song. Choo choo!

Boy does my neck hurt.

Monday, January 7, 2008

At Hope & Olive soup night, no sign of Chris, having a lovely time regardless, sharing Henry Darger, Adolf Wolfli with others, eating soup, clam chowder, black bean sausage & bread, had a beer. Good times.

Getting a bit rowdy now, work tension had gone away, rowdy tension coming on. Don't worry, can deal with it.
Thinking this year might be a good one to observe the pagan Celtic holidays, already have made tentative plans for solstices & equinoxes, have fallen in with a Celt, am a fractional one myself, I figure, why not do it right?

Next up is Imbolc, wikipedia says:

"Thig an nathair as an toll
La donn Bride,
Ged robh tri traighean dh’ an t-sneachd
Air leachd an lair."

Damn straight, looking forward to it.

Also looking forward to Beltane with its resonances of Wittgenstein & Frazer, wrote a little song about it once, this.
Took a walk down to corner market to buy cigarettes, observed development progressing on coveted property, spoke briefly with woman who owns corner market about it as she walked to work.

Thinking about Joan- lovely, lovely person- chain of exploitative & unscrupulous men, down a foot, deserves better.

Thinking about being a curious playful pussycat, bouncing against people's boundaries, always walking obliviously past the do not disturb, keep out, this area private signs, lucky we get nine lives.

Going to go think about thinking some outside with the dog now.
Stiff neck, low energy, shower would probably help, need to get there first.

Quite the pile of sysadministrivia to be gotten through the next couple of weeks, other things I'd rather be doing, will try & work those in as well.

OK, shower.
People are strange all right.

Funny vibratey feeling, should really be asleep, bit saddened that the beautiful people so rarely know that they are. Gargantuan déjà vu, feeling like I wrote that last sentence hundreds of times before, halfway convinced that I actually did write that, or at least a close variant thereof, at least once sometime.

Should really be asleep.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

She tells me she doesn't expect to be alive in 2015 & I feel like I'm being ripped to bits by tiny, nasty animals.

Not the sort of thing I put up with without doing something about it, have formulated & proposed a plan.

Design, implementation, maintenance. It's my thing.
More coffee, chocolate babka, extra meaty chili, listening to Meat is Murder.

Considering radical courses of action, feeling a great deal more like myself.

Dog needs walking.
Seems no matter how late I stay up, wake up by 10, must be getting old.

'Norwegian Wood' running through my head, a wide variety of resonances & significances.

Coffee's brewing.
Pop show, pop show.

Disappointing my web stalker by doing real world activities, sorry, web stalker. She's on the other couch, watching out of the corner of her eye. It's some creepy shit.

Henry's standing in the middle of the room, talking about the intestines of a veal, still filled with its mother's milk. Num num.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Indulging in some pretty heavy duty decadent grazing with Henry, listening to tunes, playing with Internet. Apparently that's cause for concern in some quarters. We're doing just fine over here, thanks.

Should really take a shower, being lazy.

Going to eat some more fancy cheese, then take a leisurely shower, perhaps. The horror, the horror.
Walking with Peretz, snapping photos with new camera, thinking about the continuity of my experience, its flow, its representation.

Thinking about this new lady I like, how she feels crazy & unacceptable, she pretty clearly doesn't know crazy like I do, doesn't yet realize that no degree of that is unacceptable to me in any case, when I like people, I like them, I can always see pretty damn clearly how they go & know what I'm letting myself in for.

In this case, what I'm letting myself in for is, pretty much, a treat.

Dog's barking, having some more coffee, uploading photos.
Did I mention how much I fucking hate UPS?

Was talking on the phone with my mom about politics & such, and she looked at camera tracking info & told me it had been delivered, signed for by adult man, argh. Anyway, just another case of non-English-speaking neighbors in front signing for & taking packages that aren't addressed to them, may be they don't know who all lives there either. Landlord recovered my camera for me, going to go out & play with it now.

Argh. Argh.


Thanks for the camera, mom.
Still no sign of camera, fucking UPS, sheesh.

Found my right eye tearing up driving home from Greenfield just now, not sad at all, just exhausted. Tried out Hope & Olive, seems pretty good, bread board was fantastic, same goes for tuna appetizer, entrees were nice, too, but think maybe next I go there, more appetizers & a sandwich.

Pretty much every last drop of energy's been squeezed out of me, it's pretty great.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Waiting around all day on UPS, fucking typical. Leave a nondelivery notice on my mailbox without even knocking on the door half the time, anyway, so I'm giving them till 5:30 then getting on to the hanging out with hot chick I actually want to be doing & will deal with whatever stupid thing they do tomorrow.

Went to the Hadley Target to fetch some prints. On the way home, decided that Tinkerbell hat, sadly & however lovely, simply wasn't up to the rigors of the present winter, stopped & got a warmer hat. Not to worry, Tink'll be back later.

Going to wash up in preparation for convivial dinner later, attempting to meet a new and higher standard for personal appearance and hygiene and all that, it's a kick.
Forgot to mention that Neil left a care package in my mailbox last night, media blitz, media blitz. Watching dvd from that now. One of the only guys I know that often makes me halfway wish we were both gay & heading out to Fire Island with a trunk full of scotch, electronics & astroglide.

Not to make anyone uncomfortable, just saying, sweet dude.
More cheerful when I have people I care about & feel like I can do something to help, no doubt about it. More cheerful equals more literary & aroused, whether that's better or worse, for me, for you, hard to say. Pretty sure I prefer it, anyway.

Lots of agendas & initiatives spinning in my head, that's how it almost always is, stay cheerful long enough, some might actually get done.

Thinking about what maps are & how to apply them to the problems of everyday life.
Got called into work a bit early over potential security breach, turned out to be nothing, was potentially dire enough that it's left me feeling rattled & queasy, no point in me being at work rattled & queasy, possibly actively dangerous, actually, so I'm done for the week.

Walking home under blue skies, my gray mien is slipping quietly away, pretty fantastically cheerful, honestly. May need to skip back from second to first line of the chorus pretty soon, if I want to feel like I'm being honest with myself & others, turns out the 'you' is plural, at least in my case. Ambiguous language, this.

Can have people I love in deadly peril, still be a happy camper, long term it's the only thing that makes sense, we're all in deadly peril. Please don't take my sunshine away.
Slippage, seepage, nonage, dotage.

Thinking about 'Dreams in the Witchhouse', impossible geometries, evil shapes, rat with a human face. Thinking about the Tiltin' Hilton, the Angle Inn. Can't remember if I'd noted a congruency between these two figures previously.

Not to be too cryptic, read the Lovecraft story here if you like, the Angle Inn is a little harder to explain & it's gone so you can't experience it for yourself if you missed it.

It was a sort of a funhouse attraction, at the Opryland theme park, in Nashville, basically rooms with funny angles, forced perspectives, trompe l'oeil- the thing that impressed me most as a child, though, was the projection of the moving, talking faces of virtual hosts onto the blank contoured faces of wall-mounted dummies. Hadn't ever thought much about why that might be so significant to me till I wrote 'blank, contoured faces' just now & a spring popped, a ball bounced & echoes shot down the funny abrupt corridors, round the bend & back.

Here's the thing, if I make it so there are enough angles, nobody can work them, not even me. That's how I want it.

L’ennui est contre-révolutionnaire. Ne travaillez pas.
Cold pushing through the windows, has its own ways & tempers, morning light has a character, tone, hardly like winter at all.

Thinking about losing myself in the details, it's kind of a gas.

Thinking about saying I was pleased as punch about something I'd honestly say I'm more than pleased about. Was told it was a cliché, tried to explain my preoccupations, my history with these things, my sense of our current cultural predicament & how I try to cope with it, was tempting to bring in Brecht, Deleuze on postwar cinema, etc., etc., but that's not the point.

Point is, everything slips away under our tongues, want to catch things passing by & give a bite or kiss, not another puff of air. Point is, I just keep chattering away anyway, anyway.

OK, OK, not to bring in too many famous dead singers, but here's what Wallace said about it, a thing he said about it, anyway:

"It took dominion everywhere.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee."

Anyway, so there's this new bird I like, who wouldn't get a bit tongue-tied?

Anyway, anyway.
Stayed out late making latkes, poor Peretz.

Out walking with him just now, so cold it made my joints ache, his feet hurt.

Earlier, was saying something very true & significant when shimmering déjà vu hit, just sleep deprivation, doesn't mean it's not also magic.

Should really go to sleep.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Like smart girls, always have, all wonderful, all different. They make an otherwise nightmarish world into something of a candy store for one such as me & I appreciate it.

So, if I find that one of them likes me, I call it a lucky break & go with it, pretty much. Long been my policy.

Anyway, some pretty terrible things went down last winter & I figured I wouldn't be able to manage that anymore, in the event, turns out it's still policy.

Have had to add a little disclaimer at the bottom, though: "One ride per customer. Ride as long as you like. Get off, stay off. Sorry for any inconvenience"

Feel ever so much better since adding that, sometimes a little legalese makes all the difference.
Work gets crazier every day, personal life also. Both in ways I mostly enjoy pretty deeply. Who needs sleep?
Reprise of latkes with pulled pork on the agenda for tonight by special request, going to do a matzoh brei teaser, I believe. Yowdie shoon, woof!

Have to get the makings of all that, then swing by Easthampton for some backup & documentation activities. Going to get to the penetration testing one of these days, itching for a fight.

Oh, fuck, it's cold.
Overslept, making people concerned, bit of a handful, that's me.

Working remotely while I pull myself together.

Following the logic, closely, even.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Either/Or arrived today by post, have begun to read it, enjoying it, other things I'd rather be doing, may do some of them later, may not. If not, nothing to blame but my own stupidity, like most other things about me, it has hidden depths.

My mom ordered a replacement camera for me as an xmas gift, sweet of her, should be arriving Friday.

Had some ham & pickles.
Just got done giving my kitchen floor a quick once over.

Sad old bachelor has chick he digs over, she cringes at the dirty kitchen floor, he wants her to feel comfortable in his home, so he cleans the floor. Innocent enough, right? No need to make it complicated or more than it is, it is what it is.

It's like that with lots of things.

Again, imagine, two people like each other, they've both been done dirt. They both think, 'X sounds like a real asshole, he/she's better off without him/her, he/she should really get over him/her.' They both think, 'My asshole had some really nice qualities & I miss him/her & wish things had worked out better, he/she's not really an asshole at all, if anything, I'm the asshole.' They're both probably right in both cases.

Lots of things like that too.

Anyway, went to try to get replacement camera, selection in town lousy, store staff belligerent & unhelpful, going to suck it up & order a camera online & wait for it, limp along with funny toy camera.
Spent a good deal of the afternoon pursuing some pretty fraught lines of thought, think I've worked it out in a manner satisfactory to me, more or less. That manner is a hard pill for me to swallow, just swallowed it, bit of a lump in the throat.

Nice actually being to think things through, come to conclusions & act on them.

The result, basic fairness & decency trump special obligations, just how it is.
Have managed to kill my camera again, lens retraction mechanism, out of warranty now so will probably be replacing it later today with a new camera I can run into the ground in a year, the poor dear. From my standpoint it's still a bargain, 15,000 shots, new camera, no worries.

Work schedule seeming crazier with every passing moment, I'll get through it I imagine, the affection helps, thanks, dear.
Back to ripping cds, encouraging the youth one of my favorite activities, little animals, big world, bit scary, but there are things to find out & fun to be had amongst the ruins.

Found my glasses wedged between bed & large piece of furniture.

Didn't get much sleep, lucky they invented coffee (well, guess that goat discovered it, really- anyway, glad they figured out the whole roasting & extraction thing, it's pretty great).

Pleased & surprised at my newly rediscovered freedom of action, bit vicious & prone to biting, watch yourselves.
Should really be asleep, just had some little ham & cheese sandwiches & a glass of cider, have moved on to scotch, listening to Au Pairs. Pleasure universe.

Me & my mean & kind face, such fun, such fun.

Wish I knew what was behind my eyes, seems stranger daily.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Driving back from Greenfield in the icy fog, thinking about being a caricature, or parody, of the masculine American man. I kill, therefore I am & all that.

Not really, more about how I seem to be sought out for strength of various sorts, (almost?) exaggeratedly strong urges to look out for others, etc. Never have really gotten fully in touch with the fact that I am, among other things, a big beefy man. Funny little schoolgirl with glasses, that's me.

Anyway, seem to have fallen in with a nice young lady, really like her, she seems to like me & we're enjoying one another's company, seems like. Just back from tasty Chinese dinner with her, was very pleasant. Nobody's talking about extreme self harm or anything remotely like that, makes it a little hard to believe it's a situation I'm actually in. Hm.

Dog wants out.
Snow's died down, been ripping cds, eating cheez balls, bread with garlic-infused oil, carrying on many parallel conversations in IM, all pretty interesting.

If it doesn't seem too dangerous, going to make a visit to Greenfield in a bit.

Need to walk the dog, wash first. Oy.
1/1, 11/11, collapsed, condensed, how we like it. Feeling a little wiggly, S/Z maybe, reflection becoming praxis again, always a risk, always fun, all hail the grapheme.

Snowing like a motherfucker, nice when insides & outsides are in alignment. A very fine snow, atop last night's thin ice sheets it's a bit of a deathtrap outside. Managed dog walk with nothing but minor muscle pulls.

Listening to 'Holocaust', have 'Death Trip' playing underneath it, in depths of brain.

Grim & cheerful, kappa, chi, kappa, chi. Zippitty do da, dada, dodo.
You know you've had a pleasant New Year's when you wake up & can't find your spectacles, still haven't found them, wearing alternate spectacles. Hope the others turn up, I prefer them.

Just received word from an automated system that that copy of Norwegian Wood is now en route from Norway to Portugal, tracing its own little Aeneid.

Had been thinking, for a while, of dropping this business, for a time at least, seemed like rough waters ahead, thought it might be best to run silent & deep, but fuck that, things are looking up.

Try & have a good year, folks, take care of yourselves, good hunting, etc.